ZO Funnies Spring 07

A cowboy is driving down a road in Texas ...a sign in front of a restaurant reads:

Happy Hour Special...

Lobster Tail and Beer

"Lord almighty" he says to himself, "my three favorite things!!"

Mother and daughter banned from Disneyworld for life!

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women's breast implants.  The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on speaker size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

A blind man wanders into a biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is only fair -- given that you are blind --that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.3. I'm a 6 foot tall, 175 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?" The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "Nah...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
I had to replace a light bulb in the kitchen today, but my sweet wife told me I was too old and clumsy to be standing on a ladder. So, I asked a neighbor.
Then I held the ladder while the light bulb was being replaced. Just because I'm old doesn't mean that I'm stupid.

Advertisement for a bike to sell.

06' Suzuki GSXR 1000

Four Ways, Johannesburg   -   March 2nd, 2007

2006 Suzuki 1000. This bike is perfect! It has done 7000 kilometres and has had its 1500 km. dealer service. (Expensive) It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a loving wife. Apparently "do whatever the fuck you want" doesn't mean what I thought.

Call me, Steve. 
   
 

Just how "Bad" do you want a beer?

Decisions, decisions!!!!

How men use Post-it Notes!

Two seconds before the world's record for high jump from a kneeling position.

Finally found my dream job after retirement.

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Joseph told him; "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike